Questioning Faith

One of my favorite sessions at Blissdom was How to Fall Back in Love with Writing by Jeff Goins.  Jeff encouraged us to write something that wasn’t safe.  I knew immediately what I was supposed to write.  The pounding in my heart only reinforces that belief.

It’s no secret I haven’t blogged much in the last year.  I blamed it on being busy. 

But that was just an excuse. 

The real reason goes deeper.

At the age of seven, I began a lifelong journey of faith.  As a teenager, I made a public declaration that changed my life.  My first year of college challenged that faith.  After deep soul searching, I knew I believed in a God who was mighty enough to create the universe even if it defied all logic.

Last summer that faith was challenged in a new way.

I attended a conference where I felt out of place.  I was hesitant to admit that I was a Christian blogger.  I was hesitant to be real about my calling and the message God had laid on my heart.

While at the conference I met a mom who no longer believed.  She was a lot like me, with teenage children that she raised in the Lord.  But she couldn’t rationalize her faith anymore and had chosen to walk away from it.

That encounter stuck with me.

And I began to question my own faith. 

Did it really make sense?  Could God really exist?  My analytical brain went into overdrive. The questions persisted.  But so did the memories. 

Even though I couldn’t rationalize my faith, I couldn’t walk away either.  I knew what God had done in my life.  I knew events in my testimony were not random.  I knew God’s hand of protection and I couldn’t deny it.

Then God began wooing me. 

He wouldn’t give up.  He was relentless.  He revealed scripture to me that reaffirmed His presence in my life.  Yet I still couldn’t get close to Him.  I felt distant.

Until this weekend

I wasn’t supposed to go to Blissdom. 

My son was supposed to be at All State Choir.  Unfortunately, he didn’t score well enough on his second audition.  We were heartbroken.  Even his choir teacher didn’t understand why he didn’t make it.  But since he didn’t, I looked into going to Blissdom instead.

Blissdom was sold out.

It didn’t seem fair.  My son couldn’t go to All State and I couldn’t go to Blissdom.  But I decided to let it go.  If God wanted me to go to Blissdom, He would work out the details.

And He did.

Blissdom came at a perfect time.  I needed the time away from home.  I needed time to relax and unwind.  I needed the inspiration for my blog. 

As I went to each session this weekend, met new friends, and reconnected with old ones, I began to see God’s bigger picture.  He reaffirmed the calling He had placed in my heart:  to encourage women with the truth of God’s word.

But that wasn’t all He did.

He reaffirmed His place in my life. 

I am amazed by this great big God who cares enough to woo me.  He wasn’t content to let me walk away from Him.  Instead He pursued me passionately.  His love and compassion and grace overwhelm me.

I will boldly proclaim His goodness.

Some bloggers are called to blog about family matters.  Others are called to blog about social issues.  Some of these may be based on Christian beliefs without having to state them outright.  That’s great. 

But that is not my calling.

My calling is to boldly declare the gospel and the power of the gospel in the lives of believers.  Some people may not like that.  That’s ok.  There are many more who tell me they appreciate it.

With that, I have a newly defined purpose for Confessions of a Snowflake…

Helping Women Find Their Identity in Christ

As I have changed this weekend, so my blog will change.  I will write on a more consistent basis.  And I will share the message God has given me for you…a message of love from an almighty God who loved you enough to make you uniquely you.

What about you, my friend?  Have you ever questioned your faith?