I usually participate in Wordless Wednesday or Word Filled Wednesday, but this Wednesday I feel led to do something different. I started sharing my story in the fall and with the busyness of Thanksgiving and Christmas, I didn’t have time to finish it. So, I thought I would try again today or at least add to it. This is definitely not the end.
Many of you are relatively new to my blog since then. If you have not read my story, here are the links…
The Story of a Snowflake, Part One
The Story of a Snowflake, Part Two
The Story of a Marriage
The Story of an Only Child, Part One
In The Story of an Only Child, Part One, I shared the story of my son’s delivery. There were complications after the delivery that nearly cost me my life. It was only by the grace of God that I survived.
Many people have had scary deliveries and gone on to have more children without any problems. So why are we different? Why did we stop at one?
Believe me when I say it was not my plan. I wanted to have more. But as I have learned in my short life sometimes God’s plans are not our plans.
I was ready to talk about having more children within a year of my son’s birth. I wanted my children to be close in age. I was also hoping that as they grew older they would be close emotionally as well.
Plus I never really wanted an only child. I knew all of the stereotypes. I had grown up knowing a few only children and did not necessarily like what I saw.
I was also concerned about our son not having any siblings. What would happen when he grew older? He wouldn’t have any brothers or sisters to go through life with. After we died, he wouldn’t have any immediate family left. I didn’t want this for him.
But my husband had lived through the reality of his wife almost dying and the thought of having to raise a child on his own. He did not want to discuss having any more children.
I began to pray. I asked God to either change my husband’s heart or my heart. I decided that I would not pester my husband. If God wanted us to have more children, my husband would come to me and talk about it. He never did.
Instead God slowly changed my heart. I have come to see this as God’s plan for our life. And I am content with that. For me God’s answer was two- fold and it didn’t come over night. There were many times I wondered and many times I worried. But for once I held true to my prayer and waited on God.
The first answer came when my son was 6 years old. He was crying because his cousin had just moved 3 states away. The two boys are very close in age and are often referred to as “The Bobsy Twins”. He missed him very much. I stood on the stairs in our home looking right into his brilliant blue eyes wanting to cry myself because I knew was nothing I could do to ease his loneliness. But as I stood there I very cleary heard God say, “But this is the plan I have for his life.”
What an eye opener! I know God has a plan for each of us, but I had never translated that to my son. And here God was telling me that not only did He have a plan for my son’s life, but that plan included him being an only child.
I will never forget that moment. I am so glad God has a plan for him, even if I don’t understand it or know what it is. It helps me to know that he is in God’s hand and I don’t have to worry about it. God has it all under control, even all of my concerns about him being an only child.
Another answer to prayer came about a year later. I was going through the book The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. I can’t remember the quote exactly, but Martha said sometimes we have to accept our husband’s answer as God’s will for our life.
As a wife this can be difficult to accept, particularly in this day and age. We are raised to be independent. We want our way. But I had to come to the realization that as a wife I have to respect my husband’s decisions. Submission can be very freeing. And it was for me. I no longer had to worry or fret over the size of our family. God had spoken through my husband and I just needed to accept God’s will.
I have come to terms with having an only child. It allows me to do some things I might not otherwise be able to do if I had several children. Yes, we have talked about adoption. But that does not seem to be God’s will for our family. I have blogged some about the stresses of the last few years. I do not think it would have been wise to try to adopt a child during that time.
I have been sitting on this post all day trying to figure out the best way to end it. I guess what is most on my heart is that we need to accept one another the way we are. God calls some families to have a whole house full of children and others He calls to have none. He calls some mothers to work outside of the home and some to stay home. He calls some famillies to homeschool and others to send their children to public school.
None of these are wrong, they’re just different. We need to accept one another, including ourselves, for who God made us to be. He has a different plan for each of our families and each of our chidren. May we learn to embrace His plan as we embrace one another and all of our differences.
I hope you have enjoyed this journey with me. God is good. God is faithful. Throughout all of the trials…all of the joys..all of the struggles…whatever stage you are in…never forget that.
“The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.” Psalm 145:13
Take care my friends!
I agree, Alicia..100%!! I don’t even think I can add on to what you have written because you worded it perfectly!!
I love being able to take a peek into each others lives because we are all so different, but still have so much in common (with the Lord being the center of it all).
HUGS
I have a friend who is an only child and she is concerned about what will happen to her after she loses her dad (she’s already lost her mom).
The thing is, you can have friends who can be as close as siblings. You can have friends who will invite you over for holidays or family parties, etc. You can be as close to their kids as if you were an actual aunt or uncle.
I come from a big family but we were only able to have two children. I always longed for more but it just never worked out. God chose the size of our family.
Awwww, that was a great way to end your post! We adopted our beautiful daughter after being married 15 years. It was God’s perfect timing and plan for us. I do believe we will have a 2nd child — biological or through adoption. We shall just see how it all unfolds.
Your son will have his wife, children, and cousins when you and your hubby are in heaven. He won’t be alone.
Bless you!
b
I was almost like an only child, my sister is 9 years older than me and I was a pest in her teenage years and she never wanted me around and I hated that. I always told my mom I would never have an only child and they will be close in age. It would have been hard for me to accept it if that would not have been God’s plan for me. I do believe we are in His will with 4 kids and sometimes I wonder what He was thinking. There are days I wish I would have stopped at 2 kids, but I would never want to part with any 2 now. I do sometimes think how easy it would be with one, much less expensive too. I admire your submission, both Tito and I were done at 2 kids and the last 2 totally surprised us. I agree with Alicia and I am comforted in the fact that having had them all dedicated they are His children and we are just blessed with being their parents…some days are really hard with so many. Four times the worry…..I just pray a lot. We never know what God has in mind though…and I am looking forward to seeing what he has in store for all of our kids, not just mine but yours and the others too.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. Our boys are very close in age. My older son will be 12 in June, though he was supposed to be a May baby.
Twitter: Stop4chocolate
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I enjoyed hearing your story, my friend. My son is an only child, too – not by our choice, but I believe by God’s will and plan for our lives. There’s a short post about it on my sidebar called Just One Son.
You ended this post so beautifully! Well said, friend.
I think realizing that God’s plan is good for us is that crucial step to true joy–only then do these things that really tug at our hearts make sense. Our stories are all so unique–and I think that is one of the coolest things about God! BTW, my hubby is an only child and he turned out to be an incredible, incredible man!!!
Twitter: DkqQsgeDzCgOuCSwoM
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I love reading your blog…come to mine…I have an award for you!
Twitter: DebraKaye2
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Alicia,
My family tree needs a PHD to read! lol I am the oldest child and my Mom has been married 5 times. I have 4 siblings from those marriages and we are all very close..different fathers but you would never know it because she never allowed the word half/step…etc. My father remarried once and I have a sister from that marriage but she was raised in such a manner as to be kept separate from me. We are just now getting to know one another and closer.
I wanted six children but the Lord gave me 2. He knew best! I have so much enjoyed reading your journey. It is amazing how the Lord speaks to us to calm us and tell us of where He wants us and the plans He has for us to still us and keep us knowing His hand is in our life and we need only look to Him.
Blessings to you, my friend. You have blessed me so!
I have two kids and really, really wanted a third. I was working hard at it because I thought that’s what God wanted…it was really only wanted I wanted though.
I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks and it has taken me two years, but I am finally able to accept God’s plan for my life. I was in Target a couple of days ago and did not linger in the baby section or look wistfully at the tiny clothes.
It is so hard to accept God’s plan when it is not our own…now I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing instead.
Twitter: DkqQsgeDzCgOuCSwoM
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Dear Alicia, your words have meant so much to me… I often struggle with this. I question God, wondering why we have not been able to have another child in so long when I want another one so badly. I miscarried about 1 1/2 years ago and sometimes I feel like I have to explain why we have not had more children. People wonder, right? And sometimes I feel judged and feel like I have to explain. I love what you’ve written here… we are all different and have different situations. Something that is God’s plan for one, is not necessarily His plan for another. I am so glad that you have found peace with this… I am still working on it. I just so want to make my own plans! But our ways are not always His ways, are they. : )
Thank you for sharing your story. I have one three-year-old daughter and have three children in heaven, lost in first and second trimester miscarriages. I am struggling to come to terms with the likelihood that we will not have more children, and your story was encouraging. Thank you!